[ She doesn't pull away from the half-hug, but she doesn't quite return it either. Diva sits there passively for a few moments, clearly trying to keep herself from crying more, so... She talks. Because it is sad, and if one more person knows it, then so be it. ]
No, it's— I just can't have something like that. No matter how much I try, no matter what, it doesn't work. Because I'm not... I'm not the one that was ever meant to be loved, so that's it, right? Sister was the one that let me out, but she hated me ever since that day. I don't think Amshel ever loved me at all, but I never, I couldn't be alone. I couldn't have lived without him, and I shouldn't have...
[ She shakes her head, curling in on herself more, still trying valiantly not to lose it even though she's trembling. But whatever she was going to say about what she shouldn't have done seems forgotten as she continues. ]
And every Chevalier was the same as the last one, you know. They were terrible, awful things, but as long as we could pretend, as long as I could pretend that we loved each other, that was alright. I could pretend. But I wouldn't have had to, not with my daughters. My beautiful daughters would have loved me, because I was their mother. But if my daughters got to live, then their mother would have to die, because Saya would never let them live without killing me, since I was the one she hated so much. I could die alone, and that would be it. That's fine, I thought.
So...Why? I hate that man, because I was done. I didn't have to try anymore, but I'm stupid... Why did I expect anything to be different, do you know? I should have never believed him. No one could be a father to me. No one could really just let me go with them and start over. I was never supposed to be the one that was loved.
[ It's a quiet anger, not vicious like the one she had shown Ciel and Charles. But it's the breaking point, so she chokes out a sob, almost folded over on herself by now. Hearing that raw, emotional story is something that few ever get the chance to hear from Diva, but it highlights the very sad, central point of her tragedy. For all the violence and pain, both suffered and inflicted, at the heart of everything, Diva was just a girl that wanted to be loved above all else, because it was something she'd never been given. Not until she met Abel. ]
[ she's been so short up until now that he's surprised when she starts talking and keeps talking. Once in a while, when she's upset, she does things like this, suddenly telling him some new story or tidbit about her life that illuminated a lot of her behavior in his eyes, but this is more than usual. He reads it as an indication of how upset she really is. At first, anyway - by the end, he's not concentrated on how bad she's currently feeling as on just how much she's gone through. How much she's been holding in, and how little of it she actually let show, most of the time. It's the first time she's mentioned anything about having children, and his eyes widen at the mention; she's lived long enough that he shouldn't be surprised, but he is. Garry wants to ask about them, but he can't. Not now. He just lets it add another dimension to Diva that he didn't know about before - one that, in this context, only makes him feel worse.
Because it's hard listening to a girl that he truly cares for - as much as he debates the ethics of feeling that way towards her in his mind - throw herself to the wolves, talk about how she never deserved any of it, that she was stupid, that she was hated, that it would be better if she never tried and had stayed dead - and that was the implication towards the end, wasn't it? He's felt that black grip around his life, too, just in his short time here, a shadow inside telling him that he shouldn't have come back at all. Diva has probably been existing alongside it for longer than he's even been alive. It's humbling and awful all at once. ]
... No, that's not... That's not true. [ his voice is a little thick, too, because he's sensitive, and though he can be more careless under stress, he's full of empathy. He doesn't like to hear people crying. He especially doesn't like hearing proud, carefree Diva crying. Pulling back a little, but just so that he can hold her shoulders instead, Garry doesn't know if he can say anything meaningful. But he definitely can't just sit here. ]
That's not fair. You're not stupid. You didn't do a thing wrong... Everyone wants to be loved. Because being alone... it's really scary. [ he pauses, then continues, somewhat slowly, as he picks his words. ] I won't pretend that I understand everything about you, or all that's happened to you... because I don't. I don't know about Amshel, or your Chevalier, or anything like that... But I know you, Diva, at least a little. You might scare me sometimes, and maybe you've hurt people before and done some bad things... but I know Diva is a really kind, charming, energetic person, too, who likes to be hugged, and worries about how her friends think of her, and looks after a silly human man who can hardly walk outside without getting scared. You might be a Chiropteran, but... someone like you deserves to be loved like anyone else, Diva.
[ a beat. ] And no matter what this -- this hellhole tries to pull on you, even if it takes those people away, you are loved, you know?
[ She doesn't stop crying completely, but as he begins to speak, she looks up at him tearfully and with a very open vulnerability written on her face. That look really does confirm what he's just said implictly, in a way. For as fearsome and strong as Diva could be, at her heart, she was a sad, sensitive girl that didn't know how to express either. ]
I...
[ She reaches up to wipe at her eyes quickly, as if she's just realized she was crying. ]
Am I?
[ Because she needs to hear it again, to confirm it. She hadn't realized it, but maybe that's what she'd been hoping someone would say in the past few days, just to know that it wasn't just Abel who had loved her. ]
[ he taps his hand against his chest indicatively. He's not about to tell her that he loves her - largely because he doesn't think it's true. That was going too far for him, right now, and even if it might make her feel better to actually hear those words, Garry is not the kind of person who speaks them lightly. There's still too much uncertainty in his head over this friendship. But he's sure his feelings can reach her anyway. There had been nothing false in what he said. Maybe he can't say "Yes, I love you," but he does care quite genuinely, and he meets her gaze head-on, eyes gentle and sympathetic. It's obvious in his face that her tears were threatening to drag some out of him, too. ]
[ The words seem to get her flustered, since she twirls her hair around her fingers as she looks away, stumbling over her words. It's hard to put into words what that makes her feel because she can't quite identify it herself. Is she happy? Or relived? Or worried that if Garry is important to her too, then he'd leave.
It's difficult to decide. The more she grows and learns what it's like to have a more "human" heart, the more she realizes that it's just difficult. ]
Garry...
[ She makes a noise like she's upset with him, but her expression is soft and hesitant when she looks back to him. After all, the fact that he'd be hurting enough too to be able to shed tears over her... Wasn't that what she wanted? If someone could cry for her and realize that there was something tragic to her story, then maybe it wasn't for nothing. That's what she wants to think, at least. ]
Why? [ ...But at the same time, she's afraid. She's so afraid to open herself to that possibility of caring for others, because she's learned time and time again how much it hurts to do so. ]
[ Why? 'I have no idea,' he automatically thinks - he remembers when he first met her, how terrified he'd been, and how he'd decided that he wouldn't talk to her anymore. Now, somehow, here he was, trying to comfort her - honestly trying his hardest - because he felt badly when she was sad. This wasn't the path he'd intended to walk down at all, and he tries to figure out how he even got here. Wait, that's right... She'd saved his life, hadn't she? A long time ago - it feels like a long time ago now. At the time, he didn't understand why, but he'd decided he owed her another chance. ]
... Because you're not the monster you think you are. [ The one he'd thought she was, too. ] ... For a while, I thought that maybe I just felt sorry for you, but when I got to that hospital, I... I suddenly got really worried thinking that you might not be there, about what I'd do if you weren't around. You're really the only one here who spends time with me just because you want to -- just to talk or laugh, things like that... Even though you don't like humans, and I'm scared of vampires, you still became my friend. A good friend, too. You were kinder than me back when we met, Diva - if you hadn't protected me, I don't think I ever would have talked to you again...
[ it's kind of embarrassing to spill his guts about this, especially when he's still not so sure how he should deal with it all himself - she is still a killer, and mentally unstable, at that. Funnily enough, though, the more he talks about it, the more he realizes where he's coming from. Garry glances away. ]
That's right ... I did something terrible because I was afraid of someone like that before... She was our friend, but I killed that lonely girl with my own hands. I kept telling myself it was the only way, but now that I met you, though, I know it for sure... I could have saved her, instead. I'm not going to make that mistake again. You might be dangerous, and you might not even be human, but you're not a monster. You're my friend, and I'm going to help you through this terrible place.
[ It's a surprise to hear. Actually, it's more than a surprise, because Diva had a very particular opinion of Garry that was based on what amounted to a stereotypical understanding of humans. He was set apart for his kindness and understanding, but he was still something weak and fragile, something so non-threatening to her that she never had to worry. So it's a surprise to hear not only that gentle, skitish Garry had killed someone before, but also that it was someone like her.
Her face is hard to read for a moment, but it's not as if she's upset. Rather, she's just not sure how to process that for a moment. But after she takes the moment to think about it, she realizes that it's something valuable, something to cherish, because it truly meant something. If she had become a friend to someone that had killed someone like her, then that meant there was something of worth to her. It had to be something like that, and to hear Garry say it makes her face grow hot, as if he had confessed something very different.
It's something to cherish, after all. Just as she had cherished the kindness that Abel had given her, she's suddenly made aware that this, too, is something to cherish, even though that frightens her. ]
A— A friend, huh?
[ That wasn't new, really, but it's the only place she can think to start. She reaches out, almost shyly, and takes Garry's hand. ]
Then... Garry is an important person to me too, you know. Garry is my precious human friend. The only one I've ever had.
[ Honestly, he's not sure he even answered her question that adequately - it ended up being him trying explain his feelings to himself more than anything - so he's glad that she seems receptive to his words. Maybe he could actually do something to help her this time. Swallowing back the lump in his throat that had formed unconsciously, Garry curls his fingers around hers, offering an encouraging smile. ]
Well... I'm honored. Thank you, Diva. [ he's well past the point of wondering whether she really likes him or not by now, but it's still pretty flattering to be called a precious friend; considering her blushing face and shy gesture, he's guessing it wasn't something she said often, either. Trusting a vampire hadn't ever seemed like the wisest decision, but now he's pretty confident that it was the right one. ] You're not alone or hated. So please don't blame yourself for the bad things that have happened to you... It's not your fault. I don't think Abel would want you to believe that, either.
[ She tries to keep smiling in the face of such kindness, because she's supposed to be able to easily accept it with a smile, but the weak smile crumbles. She holds his hand a little more tightly and dips her head. She's embarrassed, but for very different reasons from just vocalizing her friendship. Admitting all of that was something of an accident, so she's a little ashamed of it now. Those feelings were something that was supposed to be a secret. Really, the only other person that had ever heard them was Abel. ]
He wouldn't, but...
[ Her voice wavers with hesitation, because there was something unwavering about Abel's dedication to her. It's what had allowed her to be so honest at all, because no matter what she said, what she did, he would unwaveringly stand beside her. She doesn't have that assurance with Garry, but with how desperately she grips his hand, it's like she's saying that she truly wishes that she did. ]
Hey, Garry... If you can say that and mean it, then don't leave me. No... No matter how bad of a person I am, don't leave me alone. If you can't do that, then don't say something like that.
[ he can feel that desperation for sure, but her words are a lot harder to respond to. Because, as always, this is the part with Diva where he gets stuck: her being a bad person. It's hard to define what that means, exactly, but the same descriptor - unrepentant killer - is always in the back of his mind with her, and he can hardly call someone like that a good person. As much as he cares about her, it's undeniable. Garry's smile fades, too, and he looks more somber. ]
I... think that's up to you, in the end - whether you're bad or good. But I meant what I said. You are my good friend... Even if things get rough, I want to stay on your side and help you get out of this place. [ a pause. There's honesty in words, but he fixes her with a rather meaningful look. ] ... Please don't make it hard for me.
[ please don't kill anyone. please don't put me in a situation where i have to choose between you and the greater good. please don't become a villain. Can she be relied upon not to do any of that? He doesn't know. But in his eyes, there's a plea for her to try. She is important to him, after all. Leaving her because he can't abide by her actions or standing up for her and painting himself with the same brush - it's a moral decision he doesn't ever want to make. ]
[ Her plea isn't answered in the way she was hoping, and it drives the point deeper that she had lost someone truly special with Abel. Like Amshel, he had become a person that she could count on to always be there to support her when she faltered, because she knew it happened a lot. Yet unlike Amshel, whose loyalty had come at the price of her freedom and any shred of humanity she could have hoped to have, Abel's loyalty was truly priceless. No matter her crimes or her mistakes, he was there to catch her.
It makes her feel amazingly small and vulnerable to not have that. Her hand trembles so slightly that Garry would miss it if he weren't holding her hand, because she's afraid. Diva was a person that had learned to not fear what most people did, from pain to death itself, but when it came to the idea of standing on her own, she was just as afraid as a normal person would be in the face of death. For how she desired freedom so badly, she balked in the face of independence.
Which, though she's ignorant to it, is exactly what Amshel had wanted.
As long as someone could promise to stay by her side, she would let them claim ownership over her. No matter what the cost of that promise might be, as long as she wasn't alone in the world, it didn't matter much to Diva. But it's clear to her from that answer that Garry isn't the person she can rely on. Not in that way. Though her eyes had stayed averted from his while he spoke and for a few moments after, she returns to look at him. And she looks... tired. Tired is really the only word for it, with how her eyes are puffy from crying and how she lets a deep sorrow show openly on her face. Because...
Because she can't promise that either. Can she? ]
I don't know either. I don't want it to be hard for you, though. I know that.
[ What she does next will probably seem like a strange gesture, because even knowing her story, the context is lost. Diva moves his hand so that she nuzzle her forehead against his palm. It's a very old habit, a curious gesture only shown to those she's most comfortable with, because it's a gesture whose roots come from when she was more animal than human. ]
[ he didn't think she'd like that answer. He's known her long enough to at least understand that loneliness is her greatest fear. In fact, he felt guilty not being able to quell that fear for her even as he spoke. But saying nice things just to make her feel better was worse than being honest, he thinks, and so he tries not to be swayed by her obvious disappointment and unhappiness - something that's not really easy for someone like Garry, and he quickly looks upset again, himself, features tightening.
Her gesture is strange, too, but it doesn't seem to be one of anger or rejection, at least. Then he'll keep going. She came to him for comfort - and blood, sure, but he has to believe some part of her wanted to talk to him; he won't leave her feeling worse than she came in if he can help it. As direly as she might have taken his words, Garry still has some capacity for hope in this place, especially concerning her. ]
... If you know that you don't want to do wrong, then I believe that you can stop yourself. You've proven to me plenty of times already that you can. Diva, there's good in you, too. [ though he'd just left his hand rather awkwardly where she moved it for lack of understanding what he was supposed to do, he moves it now to push aside some of her bangs - an affectionate gesture. ] And for as long as that's true, you won't be alone.
[ It's a familiar gesture, and one so familiar that she almost wants to cry again. But she doesn't. She smiles ruefully, but really, that's exactly what she needed to hear and to feel. Even if Garry couldn't be the person she could depend on for unfaltering loyalty, at least this proves that Abel wasn't a fluke to her. She was never really certain of that, because at times, she was sure that Abel was thinking of her in a way that wasn't quite accurate. So even without that sort of foolhardy commitment Abel had, it's still nice to hear that someone else believes that there's good in her.
She's still not completely sure if it's true. But she'd like for it to be.
Diva closes her eyes with a sigh, visibly relaxing and defusing some of the tension in her posture. She's still anxious, because having to make these sorts of decisions without someone there to hold her hand through it was simply frightening, but this is a comfort. As little as it is, she has to hold onto this. ]
If that's it, then... When I need it, you can help me. Right?
[ as usual, he can't really tell what she's thinking, but he can tell that seems to have calmed her down somewhat, and he certainly hopes that it's because she's reassured and not resigned. At least her next request is one he can fulfill with much more certainty; Garry nods. Even before they'd become actual friends, he had, after hearing more of her story, decided that he wanted to try to help her - emotionally, that is, and fortunately, that was one kind of help that he actually could provide. ]
Yes... Of course. You can depend on me - I promise.
[ unconsciously, he strokes her hair in the same manner he might use to comfort Ib - but only once, because he quickly realizes that might be a bit too familiar for him before withdrawing his hand to his lap. Though he may or may not have taken a detour to briskly wipe at his eyes with his sleeve in between. ]
[ It's a nice gesture, and it gets her to smile appreciatively, but she doesn't miss that detour. It's enough to get her smile to grow more to a warm, pleased smile. It's strange, but it's nice, isn't it? It's nice that there's someone to cry for her and someone she can depend on to help her. It's nice enough that it's a bit embarrassing, so she decides to just quietly acknowledge what he says with a nod. ]
I -- s-sorry, I'm tired, [ he answers lamely, seeming slightly ashamed, but it's obvious enough that it's more than that. Garry just feels badly for her. Really badly, apparently - he doesn't know when she started to matter that much to him, and he's a little surprised by everything he just said, himself. Yes, he must be tired. That's it... ] I'm okay...
[ you're breaking his heart, Diva! He glances back up at her at that, looking rather exasperated - though in a sad sort of way rather than irritated - before shaking his head gently. She has so little faith. ]
.. There's not exactly anyone else around that I could be crying over, you know... [ in fact, her saying that and his admitting it makes his eyes sting a little again. and he thumbs away the moisture. ]
[ She looks at him with a soft expression, then reaches forward so that she can gently wipe away a tear too. She's tender and careful, even if her expression is back to an even, serene, and probably not entirely real expression. ]
Mm... It's more than I wanted to say, too. So... Well, I don't have to tell you to not tell anyone. But be careful with it, alright?
[ he stiffens slightly at the close contact, evidently surprised by that gesture, and it only makes him feel more embarrassed - his cheeks color a little, and he glances away. ]
-- I-I will. [ a pause. Since the topic is up again, he almost asks about her children, but he doesn't let himself; it would doubtlessly just depress her further. He'll leave it for another time. ] ... Diva, you be careful, too. When you're upset... Well, don't hesitate to come talk to me like this any time you feel like it.
[ Her head bows slightly, and she closes her eyes, because she's trying to shield her emotions. It's... frightening, sometimes. And after showing so much of them, now she feels the need to pull them back. ]
...Are you sure? [ —But she wants to let them out, sometimes. ] It's not a problem?
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No, it's— I just can't have something like that. No matter how much I try, no matter what, it doesn't work. Because I'm not... I'm not the one that was ever meant to be loved, so that's it, right? Sister was the one that let me out, but she hated me ever since that day. I don't think Amshel ever loved me at all, but I never, I couldn't be alone. I couldn't have lived without him, and I shouldn't have...
[ She shakes her head, curling in on herself more, still trying valiantly not to lose it even though she's trembling. But whatever she was going to say about what she shouldn't have done seems forgotten as she continues. ]
And every Chevalier was the same as the last one, you know. They were terrible, awful things, but as long as we could pretend, as long as I could pretend that we loved each other, that was alright. I could pretend. But I wouldn't have had to, not with my daughters. My beautiful daughters would have loved me, because I was their mother. But if my daughters got to live, then their mother would have to die, because Saya would never let them live without killing me, since I was the one she hated so much. I could die alone, and that would be it. That's fine, I thought.
So...Why? I hate that man, because I was done. I didn't have to try anymore, but I'm stupid... Why did I expect anything to be different, do you know? I should have never believed him. No one could be a father to me. No one could really just let me go with them and start over. I was never supposed to be the one that was loved.
[ It's a quiet anger, not vicious like the one she had shown Ciel and Charles. But it's the breaking point, so she chokes out a sob, almost folded over on herself by now. Hearing that raw, emotional story is something that few ever get the chance to hear from Diva, but it highlights the very sad, central point of her tragedy. For all the violence and pain, both suffered and inflicted, at the heart of everything, Diva was just a girl that wanted to be loved above all else, because it was something she'd never been given. Not until she met Abel. ]
No matter what I do, I just can't have it...
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Because it's hard listening to a girl that he truly cares for - as much as he debates the ethics of feeling that way towards her in his mind - throw herself to the wolves, talk about how she never deserved any of it, that she was stupid, that she was hated, that it would be better if she never tried and had stayed dead - and that was the implication towards the end, wasn't it? He's felt that black grip around his life, too, just in his short time here, a shadow inside telling him that he shouldn't have come back at all. Diva has probably been existing alongside it for longer than he's even been alive. It's humbling and awful all at once. ]
... No, that's not... That's not true. [ his voice is a little thick, too, because he's sensitive, and though he can be more careless under stress, he's full of empathy. He doesn't like to hear people crying. He especially doesn't like hearing proud, carefree Diva crying. Pulling back a little, but just so that he can hold her shoulders instead, Garry doesn't know if he can say anything meaningful. But he definitely can't just sit here. ]
That's not fair. You're not stupid. You didn't do a thing wrong... Everyone wants to be loved. Because being alone... it's really scary. [ he pauses, then continues, somewhat slowly, as he picks his words. ] I won't pretend that I understand everything about you, or all that's happened to you... because I don't. I don't know about Amshel, or your Chevalier, or anything like that... But I know you, Diva, at least a little. You might scare me sometimes, and maybe you've hurt people before and done some bad things... but I know Diva is a really kind, charming, energetic person, too, who likes to be hugged, and worries about how her friends think of her, and looks after a silly human man who can hardly walk outside without getting scared. You might be a Chiropteran, but... someone like you deserves to be loved like anyone else, Diva.
[ a beat. ] And no matter what this -- this hellhole tries to pull on you, even if it takes those people away, you are loved, you know?
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I...
[ She reaches up to wipe at her eyes quickly, as if she's just realized she was crying. ]
Am I?
[ Because she needs to hear it again, to confirm it. She hadn't realized it, but maybe that's what she'd been hoping someone would say in the past few days, just to know that it wasn't just Abel who had loved her. ]
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[ he taps his hand against his chest indicatively. He's not about to tell her that he loves her - largely because he doesn't think it's true. That was going too far for him, right now, and even if it might make her feel better to actually hear those words, Garry is not the kind of person who speaks them lightly. There's still too much uncertainty in his head over this friendship. But he's sure his feelings can reach her anyway. There had been nothing false in what he said. Maybe he can't say "Yes, I love you," but he does care quite genuinely, and he meets her gaze head-on, eyes gentle and sympathetic. It's obvious in his face that her tears were threatening to drag some out of him, too. ]
You're an important person to me.
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It's difficult to decide. The more she grows and learns what it's like to have a more "human" heart, the more she realizes that it's just difficult. ]
Garry...
[ She makes a noise like she's upset with him, but her expression is soft and hesitant when she looks back to him. After all, the fact that he'd be hurting enough too to be able to shed tears over her... Wasn't that what she wanted? If someone could cry for her and realize that there was something tragic to her story, then maybe it wasn't for nothing. That's what she wants to think, at least. ]
Why? [ ...But at the same time, she's afraid. She's so afraid to open herself to that possibility of caring for others, because she's learned time and time again how much it hurts to do so. ]
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... Because you're not the monster you think you are. [ The one he'd thought she was, too. ] ... For a while, I thought that maybe I just felt sorry for you, but when I got to that hospital, I... I suddenly got really worried thinking that you might not be there, about what I'd do if you weren't around. You're really the only one here who spends time with me just because you want to -- just to talk or laugh, things like that... Even though you don't like humans, and I'm scared of vampires, you still became my friend. A good friend, too. You were kinder than me back when we met, Diva - if you hadn't protected me, I don't think I ever would have talked to you again...
[ it's kind of embarrassing to spill his guts about this, especially when he's still not so sure how he should deal with it all himself - she is still a killer, and mentally unstable, at that. Funnily enough, though, the more he talks about it, the more he realizes where he's coming from. Garry glances away. ]
That's right ... I did something terrible because I was afraid of someone like that before... She was our friend, but I killed that lonely girl with my own hands. I kept telling myself it was the only way, but now that I met you, though, I know it for sure... I could have saved her, instead. I'm not going to make that mistake again. You might be dangerous, and you might not even be human, but you're not a monster. You're my friend, and I'm going to help you through this terrible place.
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Her face is hard to read for a moment, but it's not as if she's upset. Rather, she's just not sure how to process that for a moment. But after she takes the moment to think about it, she realizes that it's something valuable, something to cherish, because it truly meant something. If she had become a friend to someone that had killed someone like her, then that meant there was something of worth to her. It had to be something like that, and to hear Garry say it makes her face grow hot, as if he had confessed something very different.
It's something to cherish, after all. Just as she had cherished the kindness that Abel had given her, she's suddenly made aware that this, too, is something to cherish, even though that frightens her. ]
A— A friend, huh?
[ That wasn't new, really, but it's the only place she can think to start. She reaches out, almost shyly, and takes Garry's hand. ]
Then... Garry is an important person to me too, you know. Garry is my precious human friend. The only one I've ever had.
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Well... I'm honored. Thank you, Diva. [ he's well past the point of wondering whether she really likes him or not by now, but it's still pretty flattering to be called a precious friend; considering her blushing face and shy gesture, he's guessing it wasn't something she said often, either. Trusting a vampire hadn't ever seemed like the wisest decision, but now he's pretty confident that it was the right one. ] You're not alone or hated. So please don't blame yourself for the bad things that have happened to you... It's not your fault. I don't think Abel would want you to believe that, either.
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He wouldn't, but...
[ Her voice wavers with hesitation, because there was something unwavering about Abel's dedication to her. It's what had allowed her to be so honest at all, because no matter what she said, what she did, he would unwaveringly stand beside her. She doesn't have that assurance with Garry, but with how desperately she grips his hand, it's like she's saying that she truly wishes that she did. ]
Hey, Garry... If you can say that and mean it, then don't leave me. No... No matter how bad of a person I am, don't leave me alone. If you can't do that, then don't say something like that.
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I... think that's up to you, in the end - whether you're bad or good. But I meant what I said. You are my good friend... Even if things get rough, I want to stay on your side and help you get out of this place. [ a pause. There's honesty in words, but he fixes her with a rather meaningful look. ] ... Please don't make it hard for me.
[ please don't kill anyone. please don't put me in a situation where i have to choose between you and the greater good. please don't become a villain. Can she be relied upon not to do any of that? He doesn't know. But in his eyes, there's a plea for her to try. She is important to him, after all. Leaving her because he can't abide by her actions or standing up for her and painting himself with the same brush - it's a moral decision he doesn't ever want to make. ]
the shippiest non-ship to never sail: the thread
It makes her feel amazingly small and vulnerable to not have that. Her hand trembles so slightly that Garry would miss it if he weren't holding her hand, because she's afraid. Diva was a person that had learned to not fear what most people did, from pain to death itself, but when it came to the idea of standing on her own, she was just as afraid as a normal person would be in the face of death. For how she desired freedom so badly, she balked in the face of independence.
Which, though she's ignorant to it, is exactly what Amshel had wanted.
As long as someone could promise to stay by her side, she would let them claim ownership over her. No matter what the cost of that promise might be, as long as she wasn't alone in the world, it didn't matter much to Diva. But it's clear to her from that answer that Garry isn't the person she can rely on. Not in that way. Though her eyes had stayed averted from his while he spoke and for a few moments after, she returns to look at him. And she looks... tired. Tired is really the only word for it, with how her eyes are puffy from crying and how she lets a deep sorrow show openly on her face. Because...
Because she can't promise that either. Can she? ]
I don't know either. I don't want it to be hard for you, though. I know that.
[ What she does next will probably seem like a strange gesture, because even knowing her story, the context is lost. Diva moves his hand so that she nuzzle her forehead against his palm. It's a very old habit, a curious gesture only shown to those she's most comfortable with, because it's a gesture whose roots come from when she was more animal than human. ]
I don't want to be alone. That's all.
A LOVE THAT SHALL NEVER BE
Her gesture is strange, too, but it doesn't seem to be one of anger or rejection, at least. Then he'll keep going. She came to him for comfort - and blood, sure, but he has to believe some part of her wanted to talk to him; he won't leave her feeling worse than she came in if he can help it. As direly as she might have taken his words, Garry still has some capacity for hope in this place, especially concerning her. ]
... If you know that you don't want to do wrong, then I believe that you can stop yourself. You've proven to me plenty of times already that you can. Diva, there's good in you, too. [ though he'd just left his hand rather awkwardly where she moved it for lack of understanding what he was supposed to do, he moves it now to push aside some of her bangs - an affectionate gesture. ] And for as long as that's true, you won't be alone.
only in musebox land
She's still not completely sure if it's true. But she'd like for it to be.
Diva closes her eyes with a sigh, visibly relaxing and defusing some of the tension in her posture. She's still anxious, because having to make these sorts of decisions without someone there to hold her hand through it was simply frightening, but this is a comfort. As little as it is, she has to hold onto this. ]
If that's it, then... When I need it, you can help me. Right?
heheheh
Yes... Of course. You can depend on me - I promise.
[ unconsciously, he strokes her hair in the same manner he might use to comfort Ib - but only once, because he quickly realizes that might be a bit too familiar for him before withdrawing his hand to his lap. Though he may or may not have taken a detour to briskly wipe at his eyes with his sleeve in between. ]
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Hey, did I make you cry too?
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...Well, it's alright, if it's not that. No one ever cries for me, so I'd be glad if someone did.
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.. There's not exactly anyone else around that I could be crying over, you know... [ in fact, her saying that and his admitting it makes his eyes sting a little again. and he thumbs away the moisture. ]
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Mm... It's more than I wanted to say, too. So... Well, I don't have to tell you to not tell anyone. But be careful with it, alright?
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-- I-I will. [ a pause. Since the topic is up again, he almost asks about her children, but he doesn't let himself; it would doubtlessly just depress her further. He'll leave it for another time. ] ... Diva, you be careful, too. When you're upset... Well, don't hesitate to come talk to me like this any time you feel like it.
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...Are you sure? [ —But she wants to let them out, sometimes. ] It's not a problem?
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[ not to mention that he brought her here in the first place. She definitely needs someone she can talk to, he thinks. ]
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...If it's okay, then... I think I'd like that. I'd like to talk to you.
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[ feeling like he's at least made her feel a little bit, a tentative smile comes back to his face. ]
... Are you going to be okay? I don't mind if you want to stay here for a while.
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If I could, that would be good. I don't want to be alone.
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and then diva moved in no i'm kidding
garry will wake up one day with his room full of fancy vases and charles...