[ She's dodging the question. But he hears the command in her voice, and considering she's not in her best mood and is also about to bite the most vulnerable part of his body, he decides not to argue. ]
... We will talk afterwards. [ well, not too much, at least. Garry drops it at that, though, rubbing his neck and looking faintly uneasy afterwards. There wasn't going to be any putting this off, looks like. ]
... But, uh... All right. [ he leans down a little, voice becoming a bit of a squeak, despite how serious he was a moment ago. ] B-be gentle with me, though. Please.
HAHA maybe that's what chiropterans really are who knows
[ His nervousness makes her laugh a little, even if it's feeble, but she nods. ]
I will be. I promise. So, here...
[ She is careful, certainly more careful than she'd been with Abel, since Diva knew that she could boss him around or injure him without much worry other than possibly dealing with his fake tears. That makes her heart pang for a moment, because like many other things, it's sad to think that she won't get to do that again. Diva reaches up to Garry's neck, directing him downwards since she can't reach easily unless he moves. She moves closer, and for a moment, this could be taken as an entirely different gesture of intimacy, because she's very close and breathing against his neck, but—
She bites.
As she said, the bite itself isn't very painful, since it just makes two small puncture wounds, and her fangs don't linger. She withdraws them quickly, but after that, it's an entirely different sensation as she sucks at his neck to encourage more blood to flow. It's doubtlessly a strange and frightening feeling, since she's drinking his blood quickly, and her expression is serene and distant, like she's not paying attention. He'll feel his strength wane, bit by bit as she continues to drink, but as quickly as she had begun, she stops. She pulls her lips away, though she licks one last time at the wounds, before Diva pulls back to look at him. Already, she looks much less sickly, though she hadn't taken as much as she needed, since she didn't want to incapacitate Garry, even if it wouldn't have killed him. She'd find the rest she needed elsewhere. ]
Ah, that's much better... Thank you, Garry.
saya and diva are like vash and knives... except vampires
[ he moves as she directs him, even if it might feel strange, because he doesn't want to mess up whatever she does and accidentally cut an artery or something. And it certainly does feel strange; there's a weirdly intimate vibe to this whole gesture, and that just makes him even more nervous than he already was. But... it's just Diva, right? As much as she could be called "just" anyone - she wouldn't hurt him.
To his credit, Garry doesn't react with anything more than a wince when she actually bites him, and he's thankful at first that that's all there is to this. But then, of course, she actually has to draw the blood up out of him, and that's an even more uncomfortable sensation - not painful, but uncomfortable. Both because he can feel himself getting slightly light-headed from it, and because of the bizarre dichotomy of the act, sort of equal parts seductive and horrifying (and though he purposefully tries to avoid describing or thinking of her as either thing, he can't change his gut reaction.) He's glad it's a mercifully short drink; when she pulls back, his hand automatically goes to his new injury, and he blinks hard, shaking his head a little. ]
Mm... You're welcome. [ Is that even a proper response to that? Well, he tried. And, miraculously, he's still alive. Not that he'd doubted her word -- well, maybe a little, scaredy cat that he is -- and it doesn't even hurt that much. After a moment, he offers a small laugh of disbelief. ] ... You really are a vampire.
i forgot what our headers were so i was really confused at first
[ And if it were anyone but Garry, she would tease on that very idea. Of course she knew that it was an innately intimate gesture, and more than a few times... Her feeding often led into more intimacy. But she licks at her lis absently, savoring the taste, since she realizes belatedly that his blood has a nice taste. If he didn't smoke, then it would be exactly her type, but she can't afford to be as picky in Haven as she had been at home.
Feeling more at ease without worrying about her meals, her expression is definitely softer, though still weary, as is her laugh at his comment. ]
What, did you think I was kidding up until now?
[ She runs a hand through her hair, glancing to the side. ]
I'll be alright for a while thanks to you, though.
i'll just start putting random things here to confuse you!!
It's not that. I mean, I know that you're a... well, a supernatural woman, but I've just never actually seen you drink blood, or do anything like that...
[ it sounds a little silly, but it's true; she wasn't much like the "vampires" who slept in coffins and turned into bats that he associated with the concept. But he can feel the little pinpricks of tenderness on his neck, and those make it much more real.
Under other circumstances, he'd ask if they'd heal quickly or if he was going to turn into one too (even though she's definitely explained to him that no, he won't, at least twice), but once he gets his footing back a little, his concern immediately lights on Diva again. Garry really is foolishly sympathetic. ]
... But I'm not so sure that you're going to be as all right as you say.
[ It makes her laugh a little more to hear, and a little cheerfully, but of course it fades as he continues. Her smile turns sad, then falters in a flicker that he'll see as she looks down. ]
[ There's an automatic feeling of guilt for making her sad again, but judging from her reactions, it's not like his lame antics would have really lifted her spirits. Garry sighs quietly, gaze lingering on her downturned head. ]
That sad look doesn't suit you a pretty lady like you at all... I don't like it. [ but he sure is seeing a lot of it lately - this scared and broken inner Diva instead of the cheerful and proud queen. Despite the fact that she had her fangs in his neck not a minute ago, he finds he's less afraid of her than ever these days. ] Will you come and sit down?
Edited 2013-10-03 05:08 (UTC)
...you're not supposed to prove me right immediately!!
[ At least she listens to him; he was worried he'd have to really push to get her to talk. He probably really would have pushed, too, if she hadn't. She's gone through enough trouble without being able to tell others about it - whatever's bothering her, the last thing she needs is another problem to bottle up inside. That's what Garry thinks, at least. And just like in the hospital, he's still a little surprised at the extent of his own worry for her.
He'll lead her to the apartment's couch (ratty, but usable) and take a seat next to her, though he keeps a good amount of space between them. ]
I'd normally ask if you want something to drink, but I suppose you've already had me, so... I'll just ask if you want to talk to me, instead. If something's wrong, I can listen.
[ Normally, she'd laugh at that comment, but... She doesn't quite feel like it. The silence on her part stays, but she eventually leans over so that her head can rest on Garry's shoulder. It still takes her a few more moments, but eventually, she offers softly: ]
Abel left.
garry is always lame tbh... it's part of the charm
[ as always, her penchant for physical affection makes him startle a little, but he doesn't try to move her; he just waits for her to speak.
When she does... ah. So that's it. Garry didn't have great fondness for the man, but he was kind to him at times. More than that, though, he knows that he shared a very close relationship with Diva, one that had impacted her behavior a lot; it's probably thanks to Abel that he could even befriend her at all. (Is he thankful for that? He thinks so. Yes, he's glad that he met her, he thinks.) ]
Left...? [ his voice is quiet. ] No way... But he was right there at the end.
[ It stings a little, to hear him say that, but her emotionless expression doesn't change at all. She just stares ahead at some spot in the floor blankly. ]
He said he would take me with him. But... He couldn't, I guess. He couldn't do that even if he wanted to.
[ Has he ever seen her looking like this? He doesn't think so. Wanting to provide some kind of support, he hesitantly rests a hand on her shoulder, gazing sympathetically at her turned profile. She's probably talking about leaving Haven, he thinks - that, or escaping the hospital, but considering one of those happened and the other didn't...
There's no good answer, really, because he doesn't know what happened to Abel. Maybe he died. Garry doesn't know about the Methuselah or the Crusnik. Maybe he was recaptured. Most likely, he just disappeared like so many other people had. ]
... He still would have, Diva. He didn't leave you, he was -- taken from us. I know that for sure.
[ When his hand rests on her shoulder, she looks down to her hands in her lap instead. Her expression is still blank and emotionless, and... No matter how many people say them, she can't take comfort in those words. It wasn't supposed to be this way, because Abel was supposed to be different. He was supposed to be the one that wouldn't disappoint her, so she could open her heart to the possibility of a future with hope. And she had finally opened herself to the possibility, but only to find him—
Gone.
Every time she thinks about it, it pangs in her chest painfully. As it always was for her, she was so close, only to have something she couldn't control steal it away. It's that thought that makes her eyes well up with tears she thought she was done crying, but she doesn't quite realize that they're there, not at first. ]
Why...
[ She says it softly, but her head ducks more as she feels the grief overwhelm her again, but this one is a bit different from her initial outburst at discovering he'd left. This one comes with that realization that she had been so close, once again, to establishing something she had so deeply longed for as soon as she knew what it was, but was repeatedly denied at every attempt. Her voice comes out very fragile and tremulous as she tries to hold back her tears, because she's cried so much, and she's tired of it. But it's painful, and she clutches her sides like she's in pain. ]
[ her face isn't pointed towards him, and he can't see her tears, but he can hear them when she speaks again, and they hurt. With her words, even moreso. Garry can't imagine what her life is like - the loneliness must be crushing to a degree he can't understand, being born in this world just to be used and abused and treated like an animal. Even the idea of immortality on its own seems like it would come hand in hand with despair. But he can understand this sentiment, he thinks. Family. ]
Oh, Diva... [ Garry looks for words - he doesn't know her history there. Suggesting Charles seems like going to far when he hardly knows what their relationship is like, though he feels like he's probably the closest thing she has to family. And he can't offer himself, because he's not. He's not Abel or Charles. He's just Garry.
So he doesn't try saying anything and risking making her pain worse. Instead, he quietly turns toward her more in his seat, moving his hand from her shoulder to rest over one of hers at her side and pulling her towards him a little in a half-embrace. From this angle, it's hard to do it properly. He inclines his head, speaking softly. ] Come here... Don't say that. It's too sad...
[ She doesn't pull away from the half-hug, but she doesn't quite return it either. Diva sits there passively for a few moments, clearly trying to keep herself from crying more, so... She talks. Because it is sad, and if one more person knows it, then so be it. ]
No, it's— I just can't have something like that. No matter how much I try, no matter what, it doesn't work. Because I'm not... I'm not the one that was ever meant to be loved, so that's it, right? Sister was the one that let me out, but she hated me ever since that day. I don't think Amshel ever loved me at all, but I never, I couldn't be alone. I couldn't have lived without him, and I shouldn't have...
[ She shakes her head, curling in on herself more, still trying valiantly not to lose it even though she's trembling. But whatever she was going to say about what she shouldn't have done seems forgotten as she continues. ]
And every Chevalier was the same as the last one, you know. They were terrible, awful things, but as long as we could pretend, as long as I could pretend that we loved each other, that was alright. I could pretend. But I wouldn't have had to, not with my daughters. My beautiful daughters would have loved me, because I was their mother. But if my daughters got to live, then their mother would have to die, because Saya would never let them live without killing me, since I was the one she hated so much. I could die alone, and that would be it. That's fine, I thought.
So...Why? I hate that man, because I was done. I didn't have to try anymore, but I'm stupid... Why did I expect anything to be different, do you know? I should have never believed him. No one could be a father to me. No one could really just let me go with them and start over. I was never supposed to be the one that was loved.
[ It's a quiet anger, not vicious like the one she had shown Ciel and Charles. But it's the breaking point, so she chokes out a sob, almost folded over on herself by now. Hearing that raw, emotional story is something that few ever get the chance to hear from Diva, but it highlights the very sad, central point of her tragedy. For all the violence and pain, both suffered and inflicted, at the heart of everything, Diva was just a girl that wanted to be loved above all else, because it was something she'd never been given. Not until she met Abel. ]
[ she's been so short up until now that he's surprised when she starts talking and keeps talking. Once in a while, when she's upset, she does things like this, suddenly telling him some new story or tidbit about her life that illuminated a lot of her behavior in his eyes, but this is more than usual. He reads it as an indication of how upset she really is. At first, anyway - by the end, he's not concentrated on how bad she's currently feeling as on just how much she's gone through. How much she's been holding in, and how little of it she actually let show, most of the time. It's the first time she's mentioned anything about having children, and his eyes widen at the mention; she's lived long enough that he shouldn't be surprised, but he is. Garry wants to ask about them, but he can't. Not now. He just lets it add another dimension to Diva that he didn't know about before - one that, in this context, only makes him feel worse.
Because it's hard listening to a girl that he truly cares for - as much as he debates the ethics of feeling that way towards her in his mind - throw herself to the wolves, talk about how she never deserved any of it, that she was stupid, that she was hated, that it would be better if she never tried and had stayed dead - and that was the implication towards the end, wasn't it? He's felt that black grip around his life, too, just in his short time here, a shadow inside telling him that he shouldn't have come back at all. Diva has probably been existing alongside it for longer than he's even been alive. It's humbling and awful all at once. ]
... No, that's not... That's not true. [ his voice is a little thick, too, because he's sensitive, and though he can be more careless under stress, he's full of empathy. He doesn't like to hear people crying. He especially doesn't like hearing proud, carefree Diva crying. Pulling back a little, but just so that he can hold her shoulders instead, Garry doesn't know if he can say anything meaningful. But he definitely can't just sit here. ]
That's not fair. You're not stupid. You didn't do a thing wrong... Everyone wants to be loved. Because being alone... it's really scary. [ he pauses, then continues, somewhat slowly, as he picks his words. ] I won't pretend that I understand everything about you, or all that's happened to you... because I don't. I don't know about Amshel, or your Chevalier, or anything like that... But I know you, Diva, at least a little. You might scare me sometimes, and maybe you've hurt people before and done some bad things... but I know Diva is a really kind, charming, energetic person, too, who likes to be hugged, and worries about how her friends think of her, and looks after a silly human man who can hardly walk outside without getting scared. You might be a Chiropteran, but... someone like you deserves to be loved like anyone else, Diva.
[ a beat. ] And no matter what this -- this hellhole tries to pull on you, even if it takes those people away, you are loved, you know?
[ She doesn't stop crying completely, but as he begins to speak, she looks up at him tearfully and with a very open vulnerability written on her face. That look really does confirm what he's just said implictly, in a way. For as fearsome and strong as Diva could be, at her heart, she was a sad, sensitive girl that didn't know how to express either. ]
I...
[ She reaches up to wipe at her eyes quickly, as if she's just realized she was crying. ]
Am I?
[ Because she needs to hear it again, to confirm it. She hadn't realized it, but maybe that's what she'd been hoping someone would say in the past few days, just to know that it wasn't just Abel who had loved her. ]
[ he taps his hand against his chest indicatively. He's not about to tell her that he loves her - largely because he doesn't think it's true. That was going too far for him, right now, and even if it might make her feel better to actually hear those words, Garry is not the kind of person who speaks them lightly. There's still too much uncertainty in his head over this friendship. But he's sure his feelings can reach her anyway. There had been nothing false in what he said. Maybe he can't say "Yes, I love you," but he does care quite genuinely, and he meets her gaze head-on, eyes gentle and sympathetic. It's obvious in his face that her tears were threatening to drag some out of him, too. ]
[ The words seem to get her flustered, since she twirls her hair around her fingers as she looks away, stumbling over her words. It's hard to put into words what that makes her feel because she can't quite identify it herself. Is she happy? Or relived? Or worried that if Garry is important to her too, then he'd leave.
It's difficult to decide. The more she grows and learns what it's like to have a more "human" heart, the more she realizes that it's just difficult. ]
Garry...
[ She makes a noise like she's upset with him, but her expression is soft and hesitant when she looks back to him. After all, the fact that he'd be hurting enough too to be able to shed tears over her... Wasn't that what she wanted? If someone could cry for her and realize that there was something tragic to her story, then maybe it wasn't for nothing. That's what she wants to think, at least. ]
Why? [ ...But at the same time, she's afraid. She's so afraid to open herself to that possibility of caring for others, because she's learned time and time again how much it hurts to do so. ]
[ Why? 'I have no idea,' he automatically thinks - he remembers when he first met her, how terrified he'd been, and how he'd decided that he wouldn't talk to her anymore. Now, somehow, here he was, trying to comfort her - honestly trying his hardest - because he felt badly when she was sad. This wasn't the path he'd intended to walk down at all, and he tries to figure out how he even got here. Wait, that's right... She'd saved his life, hadn't she? A long time ago - it feels like a long time ago now. At the time, he didn't understand why, but he'd decided he owed her another chance. ]
... Because you're not the monster you think you are. [ The one he'd thought she was, too. ] ... For a while, I thought that maybe I just felt sorry for you, but when I got to that hospital, I... I suddenly got really worried thinking that you might not be there, about what I'd do if you weren't around. You're really the only one here who spends time with me just because you want to -- just to talk or laugh, things like that... Even though you don't like humans, and I'm scared of vampires, you still became my friend. A good friend, too. You were kinder than me back when we met, Diva - if you hadn't protected me, I don't think I ever would have talked to you again...
[ it's kind of embarrassing to spill his guts about this, especially when he's still not so sure how he should deal with it all himself - she is still a killer, and mentally unstable, at that. Funnily enough, though, the more he talks about it, the more he realizes where he's coming from. Garry glances away. ]
That's right ... I did something terrible because I was afraid of someone like that before... She was our friend, but I killed that lonely girl with my own hands. I kept telling myself it was the only way, but now that I met you, though, I know it for sure... I could have saved her, instead. I'm not going to make that mistake again. You might be dangerous, and you might not even be human, but you're not a monster. You're my friend, and I'm going to help you through this terrible place.
[ It's a surprise to hear. Actually, it's more than a surprise, because Diva had a very particular opinion of Garry that was based on what amounted to a stereotypical understanding of humans. He was set apart for his kindness and understanding, but he was still something weak and fragile, something so non-threatening to her that she never had to worry. So it's a surprise to hear not only that gentle, skitish Garry had killed someone before, but also that it was someone like her.
Her face is hard to read for a moment, but it's not as if she's upset. Rather, she's just not sure how to process that for a moment. But after she takes the moment to think about it, she realizes that it's something valuable, something to cherish, because it truly meant something. If she had become a friend to someone that had killed someone like her, then that meant there was something of worth to her. It had to be something like that, and to hear Garry say it makes her face grow hot, as if he had confessed something very different.
It's something to cherish, after all. Just as she had cherished the kindness that Abel had given her, she's suddenly made aware that this, too, is something to cherish, even though that frightens her. ]
A— A friend, huh?
[ That wasn't new, really, but it's the only place she can think to start. She reaches out, almost shyly, and takes Garry's hand. ]
Then... Garry is an important person to me too, you know. Garry is my precious human friend. The only one I've ever had.
[ Honestly, he's not sure he even answered her question that adequately - it ended up being him trying explain his feelings to himself more than anything - so he's glad that she seems receptive to his words. Maybe he could actually do something to help her this time. Swallowing back the lump in his throat that had formed unconsciously, Garry curls his fingers around hers, offering an encouraging smile. ]
Well... I'm honored. Thank you, Diva. [ he's well past the point of wondering whether she really likes him or not by now, but it's still pretty flattering to be called a precious friend; considering her blushing face and shy gesture, he's guessing it wasn't something she said often, either. Trusting a vampire hadn't ever seemed like the wisest decision, but now he's pretty confident that it was the right one. ] You're not alone or hated. So please don't blame yourself for the bad things that have happened to you... It's not your fault. I don't think Abel would want you to believe that, either.
[ She tries to keep smiling in the face of such kindness, because she's supposed to be able to easily accept it with a smile, but the weak smile crumbles. She holds his hand a little more tightly and dips her head. She's embarrassed, but for very different reasons from just vocalizing her friendship. Admitting all of that was something of an accident, so she's a little ashamed of it now. Those feelings were something that was supposed to be a secret. Really, the only other person that had ever heard them was Abel. ]
He wouldn't, but...
[ Her voice wavers with hesitation, because there was something unwavering about Abel's dedication to her. It's what had allowed her to be so honest at all, because no matter what she said, what she did, he would unwaveringly stand beside her. She doesn't have that assurance with Garry, but with how desperately she grips his hand, it's like she's saying that she truly wishes that she did. ]
Hey, Garry... If you can say that and mean it, then don't leave me. No... No matter how bad of a person I am, don't leave me alone. If you can't do that, then don't say something like that.
[ he can feel that desperation for sure, but her words are a lot harder to respond to. Because, as always, this is the part with Diva where he gets stuck: her being a bad person. It's hard to define what that means, exactly, but the same descriptor - unrepentant killer - is always in the back of his mind with her, and he can hardly call someone like that a good person. As much as he cares about her, it's undeniable. Garry's smile fades, too, and he looks more somber. ]
I... think that's up to you, in the end - whether you're bad or good. But I meant what I said. You are my good friend... Even if things get rough, I want to stay on your side and help you get out of this place. [ a pause. There's honesty in words, but he fixes her with a rather meaningful look. ] ... Please don't make it hard for me.
[ please don't kill anyone. please don't put me in a situation where i have to choose between you and the greater good. please don't become a villain. Can she be relied upon not to do any of that? He doesn't know. But in his eyes, there's a plea for her to try. She is important to him, after all. Leaving her because he can't abide by her actions or standing up for her and painting himself with the same brush - it's a moral decision he doesn't ever want to make. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oh god she looks like a scary alien in that icon
... We will talk afterwards. [ well, not too much, at least. Garry drops it at that, though, rubbing his neck and looking faintly uneasy afterwards. There wasn't going to be any putting this off, looks like. ]
... But, uh... All right. [ he leans down a little, voice becoming a bit of a squeak, despite how serious he was a moment ago. ] B-be gentle with me, though. Please.
HAHA maybe that's what chiropterans really are who knows
I will be. I promise. So, here...
[ She is careful, certainly more careful than she'd been with Abel, since Diva knew that she could boss him around or injure him without much worry other than possibly dealing with his fake tears. That makes her heart pang for a moment, because like many other things, it's sad to think that she won't get to do that again. Diva reaches up to Garry's neck, directing him downwards since she can't reach easily unless he moves. She moves closer, and for a moment, this could be taken as an entirely different gesture of intimacy, because she's very close and breathing against his neck, but—
She bites.
As she said, the bite itself isn't very painful, since it just makes two small puncture wounds, and her fangs don't linger. She withdraws them quickly, but after that, it's an entirely different sensation as she sucks at his neck to encourage more blood to flow. It's doubtlessly a strange and frightening feeling, since she's drinking his blood quickly, and her expression is serene and distant, like she's not paying attention. He'll feel his strength wane, bit by bit as she continues to drink, but as quickly as she had begun, she stops. She pulls her lips away, though she licks one last time at the wounds, before Diva pulls back to look at him. Already, she looks much less sickly, though she hadn't taken as much as she needed, since she didn't want to incapacitate Garry, even if it wouldn't have killed him. She'd find the rest she needed elsewhere. ]
Ah, that's much better... Thank you, Garry.
saya and diva are like vash and knives... except vampires
To his credit, Garry doesn't react with anything more than a wince when she actually bites him, and he's thankful at first that that's all there is to this. But then, of course, she actually has to draw the blood up out of him, and that's an even more uncomfortable sensation - not painful, but uncomfortable. Both because he can feel himself getting slightly light-headed from it, and because of the bizarre dichotomy of the act, sort of equal parts seductive and horrifying (and though he purposefully tries to avoid describing or thinking of her as either thing, he can't change his gut reaction.) He's glad it's a mercifully short drink; when she pulls back, his hand automatically goes to his new injury, and he blinks hard, shaking his head a little. ]
Mm... You're welcome. [ Is that even a proper response to that? Well, he tried. And, miraculously, he's still alive. Not that he'd doubted her word -- well, maybe a little, scaredy cat that he is -- and it doesn't even hurt that much. After a moment, he offers a small laugh of disbelief. ] ... You really are a vampire.
i forgot what our headers were so i was really confused at first
Feeling more at ease without worrying about her meals, her expression is definitely softer, though still weary, as is her laugh at his comment. ]
What, did you think I was kidding up until now?
[ She runs a hand through her hair, glancing to the side. ]
I'll be alright for a while thanks to you, though.
i'll just start putting random things here to confuse you!!
[ it sounds a little silly, but it's true; she wasn't much like the "vampires" who slept in coffins and turned into bats that he associated with the concept. But he can feel the little pinpricks of tenderness on his neck, and those make it much more real.
Under other circumstances, he'd ask if they'd heal quickly or if he was going to turn into one too (even though she's definitely explained to him that no, he won't, at least twice), but once he gets his footing back a little, his concern immediately lights on Diva again. Garry really is foolishly sympathetic. ]
... But I'm not so sure that you're going to be as all right as you say.
it would work...
...No. I won't be.
chocolate pudding...
That sad look doesn't suit you a pretty lady like you at all... I don't like it. [ but he sure is seeing a lot of it lately - this scared and broken inner Diva instead of the cheerful and proud queen. Despite the fact that she had her fangs in his neck not a minute ago, he finds he's less afraid of her than ever these days. ] Will you come and sit down?
...you're not supposed to prove me right immediately!!
EHEHEHEHEH
He'll lead her to the apartment's couch (ratty, but usable) and take a seat next to her, though he keeps a good amount of space between them. ]
I'd normally ask if you want something to drink, but I suppose you've already had me, so... I'll just ask if you want to talk to me, instead. If something's wrong, I can listen.
omg garry that's so lame
Abel left.
garry is always lame tbh... it's part of the charm
When she does... ah. So that's it. Garry didn't have great fondness for the man, but he was kind to him at times. More than that, though, he knows that he shared a very close relationship with Diva, one that had impacted her behavior a lot; it's probably thanks to Abel that he could even befriend her at all. (Is he thankful for that? He thinks so. Yes, he's glad that he met her, he thinks.) ]
Left...? [ his voice is quiet. ] No way... But he was right there at the end.
true
He said he would take me with him. But... He couldn't, I guess. He couldn't do that even if he wanted to.
no subject
There's no good answer, really, because he doesn't know what happened to Abel. Maybe he died. Garry doesn't know about the Methuselah or the Crusnik. Maybe he was recaptured. Most likely, he just disappeared like so many other people had. ]
... He still would have, Diva. He didn't leave you, he was -- taken from us. I know that for sure.
no subject
Gone.
Every time she thinks about it, it pangs in her chest painfully. As it always was for her, she was so close, only to have something she couldn't control steal it away. It's that thought that makes her eyes well up with tears she thought she was done crying, but she doesn't quite realize that they're there, not at first. ]
Why...
[ She says it softly, but her head ducks more as she feels the grief overwhelm her again, but this one is a bit different from her initial outburst at discovering he'd left. This one comes with that realization that she had been so close, once again, to establishing something she had so deeply longed for as soon as she knew what it was, but was repeatedly denied at every attempt. Her voice comes out very fragile and tremulous as she tries to hold back her tears, because she's cried so much, and she's tired of it. But it's painful, and she clutches her sides like she's in pain. ]
Why is a family the only thing I can't have?
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Oh, Diva... [ Garry looks for words - he doesn't know her history there. Suggesting Charles seems like going to far when he hardly knows what their relationship is like, though he feels like he's probably the closest thing she has to family. And he can't offer himself, because he's not. He's not Abel or Charles. He's just Garry.
So he doesn't try saying anything and risking making her pain worse. Instead, he quietly turns toward her more in his seat, moving his hand from her shoulder to rest over one of hers at her side and pulling her towards him a little in a half-embrace. From this angle, it's hard to do it properly. He inclines his head, speaking softly. ] Come here... Don't say that. It's too sad...
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No, it's— I just can't have something like that. No matter how much I try, no matter what, it doesn't work. Because I'm not... I'm not the one that was ever meant to be loved, so that's it, right? Sister was the one that let me out, but she hated me ever since that day. I don't think Amshel ever loved me at all, but I never, I couldn't be alone. I couldn't have lived without him, and I shouldn't have...
[ She shakes her head, curling in on herself more, still trying valiantly not to lose it even though she's trembling. But whatever she was going to say about what she shouldn't have done seems forgotten as she continues. ]
And every Chevalier was the same as the last one, you know. They were terrible, awful things, but as long as we could pretend, as long as I could pretend that we loved each other, that was alright. I could pretend. But I wouldn't have had to, not with my daughters. My beautiful daughters would have loved me, because I was their mother. But if my daughters got to live, then their mother would have to die, because Saya would never let them live without killing me, since I was the one she hated so much. I could die alone, and that would be it. That's fine, I thought.
So...Why? I hate that man, because I was done. I didn't have to try anymore, but I'm stupid... Why did I expect anything to be different, do you know? I should have never believed him. No one could be a father to me. No one could really just let me go with them and start over. I was never supposed to be the one that was loved.
[ It's a quiet anger, not vicious like the one she had shown Ciel and Charles. But it's the breaking point, so she chokes out a sob, almost folded over on herself by now. Hearing that raw, emotional story is something that few ever get the chance to hear from Diva, but it highlights the very sad, central point of her tragedy. For all the violence and pain, both suffered and inflicted, at the heart of everything, Diva was just a girl that wanted to be loved above all else, because it was something she'd never been given. Not until she met Abel. ]
No matter what I do, I just can't have it...
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Because it's hard listening to a girl that he truly cares for - as much as he debates the ethics of feeling that way towards her in his mind - throw herself to the wolves, talk about how she never deserved any of it, that she was stupid, that she was hated, that it would be better if she never tried and had stayed dead - and that was the implication towards the end, wasn't it? He's felt that black grip around his life, too, just in his short time here, a shadow inside telling him that he shouldn't have come back at all. Diva has probably been existing alongside it for longer than he's even been alive. It's humbling and awful all at once. ]
... No, that's not... That's not true. [ his voice is a little thick, too, because he's sensitive, and though he can be more careless under stress, he's full of empathy. He doesn't like to hear people crying. He especially doesn't like hearing proud, carefree Diva crying. Pulling back a little, but just so that he can hold her shoulders instead, Garry doesn't know if he can say anything meaningful. But he definitely can't just sit here. ]
That's not fair. You're not stupid. You didn't do a thing wrong... Everyone wants to be loved. Because being alone... it's really scary. [ he pauses, then continues, somewhat slowly, as he picks his words. ] I won't pretend that I understand everything about you, or all that's happened to you... because I don't. I don't know about Amshel, or your Chevalier, or anything like that... But I know you, Diva, at least a little. You might scare me sometimes, and maybe you've hurt people before and done some bad things... but I know Diva is a really kind, charming, energetic person, too, who likes to be hugged, and worries about how her friends think of her, and looks after a silly human man who can hardly walk outside without getting scared. You might be a Chiropteran, but... someone like you deserves to be loved like anyone else, Diva.
[ a beat. ] And no matter what this -- this hellhole tries to pull on you, even if it takes those people away, you are loved, you know?
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I...
[ She reaches up to wipe at her eyes quickly, as if she's just realized she was crying. ]
Am I?
[ Because she needs to hear it again, to confirm it. She hadn't realized it, but maybe that's what she'd been hoping someone would say in the past few days, just to know that it wasn't just Abel who had loved her. ]
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[ he taps his hand against his chest indicatively. He's not about to tell her that he loves her - largely because he doesn't think it's true. That was going too far for him, right now, and even if it might make her feel better to actually hear those words, Garry is not the kind of person who speaks them lightly. There's still too much uncertainty in his head over this friendship. But he's sure his feelings can reach her anyway. There had been nothing false in what he said. Maybe he can't say "Yes, I love you," but he does care quite genuinely, and he meets her gaze head-on, eyes gentle and sympathetic. It's obvious in his face that her tears were threatening to drag some out of him, too. ]
You're an important person to me.
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It's difficult to decide. The more she grows and learns what it's like to have a more "human" heart, the more she realizes that it's just difficult. ]
Garry...
[ She makes a noise like she's upset with him, but her expression is soft and hesitant when she looks back to him. After all, the fact that he'd be hurting enough too to be able to shed tears over her... Wasn't that what she wanted? If someone could cry for her and realize that there was something tragic to her story, then maybe it wasn't for nothing. That's what she wants to think, at least. ]
Why? [ ...But at the same time, she's afraid. She's so afraid to open herself to that possibility of caring for others, because she's learned time and time again how much it hurts to do so. ]
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... Because you're not the monster you think you are. [ The one he'd thought she was, too. ] ... For a while, I thought that maybe I just felt sorry for you, but when I got to that hospital, I... I suddenly got really worried thinking that you might not be there, about what I'd do if you weren't around. You're really the only one here who spends time with me just because you want to -- just to talk or laugh, things like that... Even though you don't like humans, and I'm scared of vampires, you still became my friend. A good friend, too. You were kinder than me back when we met, Diva - if you hadn't protected me, I don't think I ever would have talked to you again...
[ it's kind of embarrassing to spill his guts about this, especially when he's still not so sure how he should deal with it all himself - she is still a killer, and mentally unstable, at that. Funnily enough, though, the more he talks about it, the more he realizes where he's coming from. Garry glances away. ]
That's right ... I did something terrible because I was afraid of someone like that before... She was our friend, but I killed that lonely girl with my own hands. I kept telling myself it was the only way, but now that I met you, though, I know it for sure... I could have saved her, instead. I'm not going to make that mistake again. You might be dangerous, and you might not even be human, but you're not a monster. You're my friend, and I'm going to help you through this terrible place.
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Her face is hard to read for a moment, but it's not as if she's upset. Rather, she's just not sure how to process that for a moment. But after she takes the moment to think about it, she realizes that it's something valuable, something to cherish, because it truly meant something. If she had become a friend to someone that had killed someone like her, then that meant there was something of worth to her. It had to be something like that, and to hear Garry say it makes her face grow hot, as if he had confessed something very different.
It's something to cherish, after all. Just as she had cherished the kindness that Abel had given her, she's suddenly made aware that this, too, is something to cherish, even though that frightens her. ]
A— A friend, huh?
[ That wasn't new, really, but it's the only place she can think to start. She reaches out, almost shyly, and takes Garry's hand. ]
Then... Garry is an important person to me too, you know. Garry is my precious human friend. The only one I've ever had.
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Well... I'm honored. Thank you, Diva. [ he's well past the point of wondering whether she really likes him or not by now, but it's still pretty flattering to be called a precious friend; considering her blushing face and shy gesture, he's guessing it wasn't something she said often, either. Trusting a vampire hadn't ever seemed like the wisest decision, but now he's pretty confident that it was the right one. ] You're not alone or hated. So please don't blame yourself for the bad things that have happened to you... It's not your fault. I don't think Abel would want you to believe that, either.
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He wouldn't, but...
[ Her voice wavers with hesitation, because there was something unwavering about Abel's dedication to her. It's what had allowed her to be so honest at all, because no matter what she said, what she did, he would unwaveringly stand beside her. She doesn't have that assurance with Garry, but with how desperately she grips his hand, it's like she's saying that she truly wishes that she did. ]
Hey, Garry... If you can say that and mean it, then don't leave me. No... No matter how bad of a person I am, don't leave me alone. If you can't do that, then don't say something like that.
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I... think that's up to you, in the end - whether you're bad or good. But I meant what I said. You are my good friend... Even if things get rough, I want to stay on your side and help you get out of this place. [ a pause. There's honesty in words, but he fixes her with a rather meaningful look. ] ... Please don't make it hard for me.
[ please don't kill anyone. please don't put me in a situation where i have to choose between you and the greater good. please don't become a villain. Can she be relied upon not to do any of that? He doesn't know. But in his eyes, there's a plea for her to try. She is important to him, after all. Leaving her because he can't abide by her actions or standing up for her and painting himself with the same brush - it's a moral decision he doesn't ever want to make. ]
the shippiest non-ship to never sail: the thread
A LOVE THAT SHALL NEVER BE
only in musebox land
heheheh
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and then diva moved in no i'm kidding
garry will wake up one day with his room full of fancy vases and charles...